I love being a Stay at home mom

Some days it can be very isolating. Especially when you reach a point in your life, when most of your friends have gone off to work in the outside world. Their days of diapers, and preschool are over. They were the smart ones.. ones that started early. I started relatively late compared to them. I started when I was 30. I guess I could have gone back to work bang on. But I didn't. 12 years later, I'm still doing the same thing. Only it's lonelier. Sure, I volunteer at the schools. But I'm old compared to them. There is nothing like watching the energy level of a 20 something year old. I miss that. I miss that I never had that. LOL

And soon, like a in few years.. I will be donning resumes and begging for a job. Any job that doesn't have me wearing a McDonald's uniform. "Would you like fries with that?" O.k. I'm not downing anyone who works there. I worked there once, when I was 16. I hated it. Fast food is not for me... oh sure, my body LOVES it... I think McDonalds is the perfect first job.. in fact every teenager should have to work fast food at one point or another... it builds character!
Yeah.. sure.. it really does!!!! It built mine... the "I'll never work at this place ever again" character!

But yeah... it's times like today when my house is quiet. All the kids are in school - the baby is in preschool for 2 hours. It's empty. And I'm never really ever sure what to do with myself during those times. It's odd. It's hard to motivate myself. Why? Cause I'm not a 20 something year old full of young energy. I'm 40 something (low something) year old who has energy, but exhausted energy. Now, trust me, I have nothing to be exhausted about... I guess thinking about the last 12 years is exhausting enough... maybe it's more of a misguided exhaustion? a hopeless exhaustion?

Maybe. Maybe just maybe is lazy exhaustion? Because I've never had downtime. I've never had 2 whole hours without caring for someone. And I look at my house and see it's relative disaster and think.. I could spend this time wisely. Yeah.. wisely... that means cleaning it! O.k.. if I say cleaning it.. it sounds like it's dirty.. o.k. lets try.. that means tidying it! Yeah, that sounds much better.. I'll tidy my house.

And then that leads me to the next thought -- why do I want to tidy everyone else's stuff on my time off?

Yeah.. well, because I'm a stay at home mom and I signed myself up for this. This was the job I agreed to do. No, not a job.. a lifestyle.

I'll be honest. This job was a whole lot better when my friends didn't work. This time would have been filled with coffee hours, visiting each others homes... coffee and chit chat. Yeah.. I'm sure it would have been exactly like that!!!